Sex Before Marriage. Good Idea or Not?

Do you think it's a good idea to have sex before marriage? In Uganda, where I hail from, the norms regarding premarital sexual activity vary noticeably from society to society. In some societies, such as among the Baganda, virginity is no longer considered important. In fact, parents encourage premarital sex by building separate houses for sexually active adolescents. In other ethnic groups, premarital sex was, and often still is, strongly disapproved of. Nevertheless, many societies that traditionally condemned premarital sexual intercourse have become more tolerant nowadays. For example, in the past, girls who lost their virginity before marriage were required to confess, and the man responsible would be forced to marry her. Today, the man is only required to pay a damage payment to her parents.

Urban residents often think of premarital sex as an opportunity for the partners to learn about each other. Of course these social norms concerning premarital sexual intercourse do not necessarily correspond with actual behavior. Even in the past, and in societies that strongly opposed  premarital sex, these norms were sometimes resulted in violence. Premarital sex has become quite common in most Ugandan societies.

What do people think about sex before marriage? Viewpoints may vary according to religious upbringing.

Many Christians are say that the Bible promotes complete abstinence before marriage. Sex between a husband and his wife is the only form of sexual relations of which God approves. Christians can mess up and still receive God's full forgiveness. But there is stark difference between messing up and continue to do so with the mindset "I can always ask for forgiveness". What matters is a fully repentant heart. Repentance isn't just an attitude of the heart; it literally means to turn from the former life with a commitment to change for the better. We as followers of Christ must strive to live within the confines of his loving boundaries, and celebrate the good gifts he has given to us, even if that means we have to wait until our wedding day because the other aspect of sex is to procreate.

I believe that God meant for us to fully enjoy sex (check out Proverbs 5 :19). However, there is one particular example of condemnation of sex before marriage of a soon-to-be wife that had sex outside of marriage (Deuteronomy 22:13-19). It was such a precious matter that the husband had the right to divorce her if she was found not to be a virgin.

Biblically speaking, Adam was not joined to Eve until God gave her away in the first marriage covenant. The same covenant applied to Noah, Shem, Abraham and Jacob. Everyone waits until they are united in marriage to have sexual relations. We can deduce that sex before marriage was clearly condemned in Judaism as well as Christianity.

Of course just because many people participate and condone such a thing, it doesn't mean that it's a good thing. But sex is, in terms of happiness, better than money. People with active sex lives live longer. Sex releases stress, improves immunity, helps you sleep, and it's heart healthy.

Sex is good whether you are married or not, and certainly folks who wait until marriage can have a lot of sex once they tie the knot. But waiting until marriage often result in early marriage, or holding conservative views on marriage. It is common for people who marry early to hold traditional views on marriage, and tend to have higher divorce rates, or unhappy marriages. On the other hand, there are lots of benefits to marrying later. The couples, where both work outside the home, and also share housework duties, are said to have much more sex. 

My point is not that everyone should have sex before marriage, people should determine for themselves when they are ready to have sex. For the vast majority of people, that's going to be before they are married. Making that choice is not a moral failing. On the contrary it's often a great, healthy, overwhelmingly positive choice whenever you choose to have sex. The cultural message that waiting until marriage is the best choice, is simply archaic, and wrong. Indicators show that it’s wrong for almost everyone.

Not everyone is great in bed, and most people do not start out very good at all. Good sex is about listening to your partner, and being able to respond accordingly. How do you know if someone is a good listener, or responsive unless you try it out first?

Wouldn‘t you want to know if your husband is packing a “hunting rifle” or a tiny little plastic “kids pistol”? After all, he knows how big your boobs are. I am not saying size would be a deal-breaker, but don't you have the right to know what's down there? Also, sexual problems like premature ejaculation, inability to get an erection, or even an allergy to your partner’s semen are all possibilities. Wouldn’t you rather deal with those issues before you are married. This way you know if your future husband would even care to address them.

Let's face it, sex plays a big role in marriage. This is an important issue That should be discussed just as you would, and should discuss children, religion, and relocating before tying the knot. Sex is too big a part of relationships to leave to chance.

I asked a few people about their personal opinion on whether premarital sex is ok. Here’s what they said.

Ndega Godfrey:

“We don't have to be engaged in premarital sex for us to have knowledge of it. When the right time comes, both couples will know what to do, the bodies will act accordingly. They feel at that time just as they say when two becomes one.”


“There are consequences with sex before marriage. If you can't see or feel them now, then later you will.


”Sex before marriage is good because you will know the car you are buying is worth for that Journey and nowdays parents charge a lot of money without knowledge that she is a worn out material.”


“If you know you can eat your cake, have it, or try it, you will thank Satan later.”

Mike: “Always Sex, sex, and sex. Anyway, was any family member available to accept the bride price for Eve in the Garden of Eden before Adam and Eve did their own?”


“Why so? Sex before marriage is not good because if you do, the man will not have an appetite because he already knows the taste and the shape of his fruit. If a girl has sex before marriage, she will be like a banana peeling without banana inside.”


"Not wrong, what will happen if I find out that the person doesn't satisfy me? I will cheat, so now is cheating not a sin or better still adultery. It is better you commit that sin once as a single, and get what you want, and stop sinning with the same act in all the time of your life."


"Sex before marriage is for small boys and girls. Real men wait after marriage. Love it, Live it."

Shola: "Yes, sex before marriage is good. Check before u buy. Some men don't have dick and some women removed their wombs. So check well, even let her get pregnant before any wedding. Some are club girls, later pretending as people of God. Be careful."

So is sex before marriage a good idea? What do u think?

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